Being a mom can be hard even when the rest of the world doesn’t seem to be falling down around you. But, 2020 has been a different kind of challenge when it comes to parenting AND trying to stay sane.  As a counselor for moms in Denver, CO, I’ve seen this in real-time. To help the moms that are doing way too much, I compiled a couple of things I incorporate when I provide counseling for moms.  Basically, these are free samples of how I help stressed-out moms in therapy! Take a bite (or read), and hopefully, they are helpful to you! Here are 5 tips to get you going in the right direction again.

Stressed out mom tip 1: Take a breath. 

Okay, take 5.  Deep breaths.  In through your nose, out through your mouth.  Count in, 1, out, 2, in 3, and so on until you get to 10.  This act takes less than 1 minute, but if done several times a day it can make a surprisingly large difference in how you respond to the world around you.  I started wearing a Fitbit a couple of weeks ago.  If you do too, whenever it gives you that buzz that you need to walk more steps that hour, it’s a great reminder to also use that moment to just breathe either instead of getting up to walk or after doing so.

As a counselor for moms, I have seen how wildly effective this can be. It might not seem like a lot, but these breathing exercises can help control how your hormones are realized in stressful situations.

Stressed out mom tip 2: Call a friend. 

So often we make excuses not to call people we love and miss.  They’re busy.  It’s X time and I don’t want to interrupt Y.  We haven’t talked in so long and I (or they) don’t have time for a long catch-up.  We’ll have nothing to talk about…The list goes on.  First of all, all of these are assumptions – not truths.  Wouldn’t you rather get a call from a friend that you can’t answer, but now you know they’re thinking of you and miss you too?  Having a conversation with someone who cares about you can turn a whole day (or longer) around.  Make it a regular part of your week to call at least 1 person you miss, even if you end up playing phone tag.  You’ll connect eventually, and someone has to go first.  Why not you?

During a counseling session, I am not above you asking you to come up with a list of people to call in case you need a back-up. Why? Because years of providing counseling for stressed-out moms like you have shown me how easily things like this can get put on the back burner.

Stressed out mom tip 3: Ask for help. 

It can be asking your partner to make dinner (or get take out). Or, asking a neighbor to borrow an egg so you don’t have to make another run to the store (YES, THIS IS STILL A THING!) Even asking your FB friends what their favorite easy dinners are to try to mix it up without making more work for yourself. Or, even asking yourself if you really need to wash the floors or if you can actually just lay down for 20 minutes.  Any of these small things can feel like a huge relief.  On a larger scale, of course, you can reach out to a therapist for some ongoing, scheduled help too! Let’s be honest, everyone you’re talking to about this in your “circle” of stressed-out moms is feeling the same way.

In the chaos that is 2020, we’ve found that online therapy is a very helpful blessing! Online therapy has many benefits that traditional therapy doesn’t. The biggest benefit is how convenient it is. No need to find a babysitter or drive through rush hour. Just pull up your laptop or device and get the therapy party started! Oh, did I mention that I offer online therapy in Colorado? Because I do!

Stressed out mom tip 4: Practice saying “No”. 

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, think of this blog post as your permission slip to NOT DO ALL THE THINGS.  Instead of doing more laundry, go for a walk.  Instead of washing the dishes, read a book.  Instead of making the 5^th dinner this week, tell your family it’s a “fend” night (this is what we call it at our house – “fend for yourselves”).  When someone asks you for a favor, really think about it before you answer.  If you’re not sure but feel on the spot, say, “Can I get back to you about that tomorrow?”  By tomorrow, they may have figured out another way!

If this isn’t the tip that’s worth its weight in gold, I don’t know what it is. Too often, we feel obligated to do things for other people. Even when this is going to have a bad impact on us. Many things play into this besides being a mom. As a woman, you’re often expected to “please” everyone without showing how much it disrupts your life. Especially if you’re a younger woman. On top of that, sometimes our previous traumatic experiences can cause us to feel obligated to other people. Or, to “make up” for things that aren’t our fault. Through counseling for moms in Denver, CO, I’ll help you to hone your assertiveness and to no longer feel bad for saying “no.”

Stressed out mom tip 5: Stop making excuses.

You don’t need an excuse to take a rest.  If your friend invites you out and you’re not up for it, tell her that.  “I wish I was up for that, but I just need some downtime this week.  Can we try it next week?”  Your honesty in this area can help others in your life learn that you are a person they can be honest with when they’re feeling similarly. AND, you can realize that you are not alone in these feelings.  Nor are you a failure for not being able to keep up with your 2019 self.

In all honesty, this can be a tough one. As a counselor for many stressed out moms, I’ve seen how important taking time for yourself is. And, I know how tough it can be to implement it. I know it seems like it, but the world will not end if you take time for yourself. Actually, your corner of the universe might be a better place if you stop making excuses and make time for yourself!

This can be a reality for you!

Setting any of these things into your regular schedule can give you more of a sense of control and calm in your life overall.  Set up a regular phone date with a friend or two so you can look forward to it!  Make sure at least 1 night a week is “leftovers night”, 1 is up to your partner, and 1 is a “fend” night.  All of sudden you only have to make 4 dinners a week!  Stopping to just breathe several times a day can help you feel calmer and centered, allowing you to have more bandwidth left at the end of the day for your family.

These are just a few ideas…perhaps I’ll do a “Part 2” later!  I’d love to hear ideas from you!  Feel free to DM me on Instagram (@hotmesscounselingco) or shoot me an email at cadence@hotmesscounseling.com

And, starting counseling for moms in Denver, CO!

I know, I know. This sounds like something you don’t need, right? You don’t need to pay someone to tell you what your problems are, right? Well, luckily, counseling for moms is much more than that. Counseling for moms is a time and place that’s dedicated to you. Not your kids, not your partner, not your job, just you as a human. It’s dedicated to working on you, to help you work through the things that make the day-to-day grind that much more difficult. As crazy as it sounds, counseling can be pretty effective for stressed-out moms. What’s more, you just might start to look forward to your counseling session! Overall, starting counseling for moms in Denver, CO can help you to recharge your batteries…even if it’s just a little bit!

Begin Counseling for Stressed Out Moms in Denver, CO!

I don’t know about you, but I’m ready for you to start counseling! In addition to offering services in Denver, CO, I can see you in anywhere in the state with online therapy in Colorado! Currently, my Denver based counseling clinic is closed- so this is our only option. As an online therapist, I’m passionate about working with women dealing with navigating the silliness life throws at them. I love working with moms and millennials who are just trying to do their best. In addition, I offer EMDR therapy and trauma therapy to help you heal and move on from the past. I also offer clinical supervision to folks working towards licensure. When you’re ready to start working with me, follow these steps: